I know that every step towards independence is a good thing and I know he will be alright.
But my heart aches.
It aches, raw and exposed.
My baby is not a baby and although many moments and footsteps have brought us to this place, although I have had many warning signs and A-ha moments, right now I am absolutely struggling with the fact that my baby does not need me.
He tolerates me, he humours me.
He loves me and quickly cuddles me in the morning, fleetingly and then he's gone.
It's as though he knows that if he lingers too long within my arms, in my clutching embrace, I just might not let him go.
I know how to love, and to protect fiercely.
I know how to close ranks, and I know how to close the doors.
If you need a master in shutting out the world, an expert in finding a quiet, safe haven, a retreat, I'm your girl. But ....
I don't know how to do this.
I don't know how to let go.
What I know, (and what I don't know) with Rhianna at A Parenting Life
Oh lovely. I know I am sending you lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way. You know that you only feel he doesn't need you because of the wonderful job you have done all these years giving him what he needs. And I am sure that there will be times in the years to come where he will once again need you.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for joining in
I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way about K !!!! I know that I have to let her go but I don't know how to !
ReplyDeleteAs much as she can drive me nuts at times - I still find it hard to believe she is all grown up. Next week she is off to NZ on holiday for two weeks and A leaves to go back to Townsville - it's going to be very quiet in the house !!!
Have a great day - love, hugs and positive energy !
Me
the one thing I KNOW about this post is that it is so beautifully written, vulnerable and full of love. Being a non parent I don't think I could understand what you are going through but sending you sunshine and support to get through this xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling a little the same with my 3yo. She is my baby but she's not a baby at all anymore. I miss her babydom already but I'm trying to comfort myself with all the milestones left in front of us to share. So beautifully written and honestly raw Lisa!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful raw words. They grow so quickly, time steals them from us.
ReplyDeleteThis I can relate too. I have a 7 week old who is growing too quickly, a 2 year old who is trying so hard to be like his big brother and a 4 year old ready to take on the world at school next year.
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