Aspergers - The Carnival Ride

Like so many young romantic couples, we bought tickets to go on the Carousel.

Many of our friends had already gone on it and said it was great. It looked like fun and we could afford it. We had to wait in line, but we had friends waiting too, so it was a good, gossipy wait, talking about what it would be like.

When we finally got through the gates, none of our friends were near us.The ride started and almost immediately, we realised that we were on the wrong ride.

Our seats didn't look like the other seats, and the cars banged and crashed and made weird noises. The seat belts pinched and I felt the first tentacles of fear sneaking into my heart.

A man popped out in a white coat and told us we were on the Monster Crash Roller Coaster. He smiled in a detached way and sent us through the big swinging doors.

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The Roller Coaster is not at all like the Carousel. It is unpredictable, frightening and fast. There are exhilarating highs and stomach churning free-fall drops. There is always a jagged corner hurtling towards you and you never really know where you will go next. You can't hear anyone else because there is so much other noise, and sometimes you actually scream in true fear.

Even with someone sitting right next to you, there are moments when you feel totally and desperately alone. 

You can see the carousel in the distance, with it's pretty lights and gentle well groomed ponies.

Your friends are watching you, as you fly through the air, hair tangled, clothes askew. You can't explain to them why you aren't sitting nicely or why you need to hang on so tight. You know from where they sit, you look wild eyed and out of control. You wish you were sitting on a happy little pony, not this monster ride. 

You start to worry that you will not make it to the end. You worry the safety rail will fly open, that your car will derail. You forget to breath. Your stomach churns and your fingers ache with the effort of holding on.You close your eyes and wish for it to be over, to be different.

But then... you stop and really concentrate.  Your heart is leaping, not only in fear but also in the most incredible joy. You are starting to anticipate the climb and then the drop. You learn to hang on tight in the scary bits, and you open your eyes and really look at the world from the very peak of the steep climbs.

The world looks so different up here, and none of those people on the Carousel can possibly see the world from this angle. 

They have no idea how beautiful it can be up here. 

At the last climb and free fall, you are grinning, eyes wide open. 

As you reach the peak, you let go of the safety bar and raise your hands over your head and welcome the rush.

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The ride slows down and we turn to each other, grinning from ear to ear. No, it wasn't the Merry-go-round ride we anticipated. It was so, so much more.

We have since then ridden on the Carousel. It is fun and wonderful too. But there is always a special place in our hearts for the Roller Coaster... what a ride.