40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work

My darling friend's Dad passed away so I have gone away to spend some time with her and her family.

My brain is full of 'stuff' and yet at odd times I find something to giggle at.
Today this was shared with me on Facebook Via the

Can U Still Hear Me Facebook page

I giggled, chuckled and snorted.  My favourite is Number 22.

Enjoy ( Please forgive the swearing.. not my post...)

40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work


1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhhh. I see the Fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12.You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a fucking people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh I get it . like humor . but different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you really marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute --- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality:)

I shall return home in a couple of days,
Stay safe, be kind and go tell your Dad you love him if you still can.
xxx

Fancy Dress - Flashback Friday

Ohh how cool, I chose the same flashback theme as Cathy from The Camera Chronicles ! Blog hopping alongside in my fairy outfit, as you do!

I couldn't wait to turn 18. It seemed as though everything I was desperate to do hinged on that magic number.
My 16th birthday had been spent away from home on 3 month exchange in New Zealand, so for my 18th I was determined to have a party to remember.
I'm an Aussie June baby so it is pretty much the coldest time of the year. This meant skimpy bar-maid costumes were out and all in one bear costumes were a big hit.

I was of course the Birthday Fairy in yellow. I chuckle every time I look at this picture!

( I think it needs to be acknowledged that 1990 was ALL about big hair. The bigger the better. And if you could still breath after you'd finished spraying hairspray then you obviously had not used enough. Guys, this was the days before products were called "product" ! It was called spray, or gel, or mousse. )

Around 60 of my friends converged on our home. The Tequila Sunrises flowed freely. My parents (bless them) did an awesome job of not freaking out completely and kept a quiet eye on the proceedings.

As it turns out, being 18 was all that different to being 17, except for the whole 'old enough to drink at the pub' thing. I still went to school, worked a part time job, baby sat and stressed about my future.

But now I had an awesome fairy dress in my cupboard.

Do you have a secret stash of fancy dress photos? come on, drag them out and share the love. IT's FLASH BACK FRIDAY !

Heaven Bound

If I wasn't at home, you could bet I was sitting on his couch giggling, plotting and scheming with his adored little girl.

If I was cheeky he could and would pull me into line just like my own Dad.

He would take us for drives in his little green Morris , me and Sue squealing with delight and slip sliding across the beige vinyl seats without seat-belts  or a care in the world. ( the car pre-dated back seat seat belts) 

He would pick us up from the pub at 3 am in his taxi , (somehow we always managed to jump the taxi queue), and deliver us safely home, shaking his head and telling us to behave ourselves.

At my high school graduation he took me for a spin around the dance floor, and at my my wedding he waltzed with me and told me he loved me like his own.

He introduced me as his second daughter, called me "my darling", " little one", "scallywag"  and "trouble" depending on the situation.

I brought my babies home to meet him, he bounced them on his knee and told me they had my eyes, my smile.

He was a true gentleman, a battler from his first breath to his last. 

His love for his wife and his kids was complete.

His acceptance, love and protection of me was unbreakable.

Two men shaped my expectations of how a loving man can be a partner to their wife and a gentle guiding hand for their children. 

One of them was my own Dad ( xxxxxxxxxxxx )

The other was my best friends Dad.

He went to heaven yesterday. He has earned his angel wings.

I will miss him forever.

Still his little girl

As he hugged me goodbye earlier this week, I crumbled.

Like a baby, held in his strong arms, I laid my head on my Dads shoulder and I cried.

My best friend is preparing to say goodbye to her Dad in the next few weeks. Cancer has a stronghold and he won't win this battle. I can't imagine knowing that there are only a few precious moments left to have those cuddles and absorb that strength.

On my Ipod this week, this song is on repeat. It is beautiful and heartfelt.

Listen.

To my lovely Daddy , because everything that I am comes from you.

xx

New Directions

After 3 years writing at my blog under the banner of Simple Loving Thoughts it is time for a spring clean. The reality is life is rarely simple, and at times it is less than loving. Wife-ing and parenting, living and learning is messy work. 

I needed a new name. 

A new direction.

BUTTON BRAIN

Why buttons?

Well, because I made them. Thousands of them. Little hand painted timber creations for crafting.

But also because a button is what holds everything together. A pair of pants, or jeans,  a jumper or jacket. A business shirt or a sports skirt. A wallet. Holding it all together.

Which is kinda cool when you think of what it can do but is also an enormous responsibility on one little button.

So here I sit. A button amongst her buttons. Holding it together. One of millions, decorative, but also with a huge responsibility.

I am raising my kids. I don’t always get it it right. But I do my best. I am a wife, also trying my best at that but often missing the bullseye. 

I have no wise answers, just honesty.

And now, a safe place to speak my mind

What more do you want from me ??

In the movie "28 Days"  a character is told he should get a pot plant. If he keeps the plant alive for a year he should get a pet. If both the plant and the pet are alive after 2 years he could possibly consider himself mentally stable enough to handle a human relationship.

It has been well and widely documented how utterly crap I am at keeping pot plants alive. And yet I keep trying.

Exhibit A

I gave up after several years of green thumb failure and tried to do fish.
They died.

RAPIDLY.

A snap-shot of what life as a goldfish in my hands can be read  HERE.

I have also managed to keep two puppy dogs alive, deliriously indulged and happy in their kingdom.
Four kids have been born and raised and nurtured and are thriving.
But it bites that I can't do fish.

I guess it's because people tend to act as though a goldfish is the simplest form of animal life to maintain. Fish are not expensive and University dropouts love to regale me with stories of their neglect and the resilience of their little gold comets. How hard can it be ?

1.Feed them occasionally.
2.Keep the tank clean.
3.Don't let the cat eat them.

For at least 8 months now, two gold comets and two.. smallish stripey? silvery ?...fish have lived in my care and I thought I was doing really well. I started to talk to them and I thought we were bonding.
After noticing the tank was a bit green and needed some TLC yesterday it was time to spring clean. I researched and only took away 1/3 of the water. I gently scooped my be-gilled darlings into a safe bowl, siphoned off their water to save for re-tanking. I drew enough water and let it sit for 2 days to allow any ammonia to dissipate.
I washed the pebbles, I cleaned the filter. I put the fish in a plastic bag with air and let them float on top of the new tank water to acclimatise.

I set my little darlings free into their lovely clean tank. They were so excited. Flitting around. Exploring the rocks and aquatic plants.

Within an hour both small silvery fish were belly up, gone to swim in the heavenly oceans in the sky.
Three hours later we said goodbye to one of my little golden comets.
The lonely little fish left in the tank looked at me with what can only be described as gobsmacked disappointment.
His little fishy lips were whispering "And yet you are allowed to raise humans!"

I posted on Facebook that I had cleaned the tank and 3 out of 4 fish didn't survive my cleaning frenzy.
The Man I Married begged me on Facebook to not clean the kids bedrooms until he got home.

Today I bought more fish.

Because I am a perpetual optimist.

Good luck fishies. You are going to need it.

You will always know -Advocating

Shoved against a wall, by a man three times his size, defenceless, wordless and shaking with fear.

One day when J-man was in Grade One, not quite 7 seven yrs old, his regular teacher was away for the day. He had a substitute teacher that day, a well respected, old school guy with years of experience.

I was waiting for the home bell to sound, watching the class play a last minute game of scuttle-ball. As the bell sounded the teacher called the winning team (J-mans team) and sent the kids to collect their bags.
J-man was so excited by his teams victory, the excitement and hype of an energetic ball game and by the fact that a long school day was finally over.
I watched as he grabbed a small soft plastic witches hat and scuttled it sideways across about 4 metres.
I watched as his substitute teacher grabbed him up by his little polo shirt collar, and rammed him up against the brick wall of his classroom, screaming in his face.
"You are just a naughty, nasty, little boy"
"You are bad"
"I've had enough of you today".

The teacher, fully 3 times the size of my little guy, with a military style buzz-cut, red, angry face and fists clenched thrust J-man aside and stalked off to collect the other sports gear.
I was so stunned I didn't even absorb what I had seen.
J-man cried.
I got his bag, and waited for the teacher, who addressed me with the same level of anger and scorn.
"Are you the mother? Did you see what he did? I should have known you'd take his side. He could have killed someone there !" (Yeah! with a soft plastic witches hat and all his 6 yr old strength!)

I took my little boy home, cried and wondered what to do next.

The next day I was at the school early to speak with the regular teacher. For some reason I still couldn't comprehend what I saw, what I heard.
I felt silly for making a fuss... (let me tell you now, if I saw that sort of shit now I would rip his lungs out before the witches hat fell to the ground, but I was young, scared and overwhelmed :-)

I told the teacher what had happened, what I'd witnessed, that my little boy had cried himself to sleep and wet his pants in fear that the 'angry yelling man' would be back again the next day.
I told her I didn't want to make trouble.
And she stopped me there.
She told me the most important thing anyone has ever told me. The most essential thing that I have clung to and held to my heart since that day.

She said,

Twenty years from now, these teachers, this principal, will not remember your name. 
But you will always know, forever, that you stepped up and advocated for your child.

From a truly awful experience came the most important words.

If you have a child, special needs or not, there will be moments where you are called to step up and make a fuss, or to be quiet and tell your child it is okay to be treated in such a way.

Have you hit that point in your parenting when you have had to choose to make a fuss?