Flashback Friday - My best friend

My very first Flash Back Friday!

I found this pic today. Sigh! When I was in 4th Grade my family moved towns, across 600km to a new world and I found myself in a new school, with a brand new set of people who totally didn't get me.

(don't judge the hair.. the Lady Di look was very 'in' back then)

 I remember my first months (years) being awkward, abrasive and defensive. I was a ridiculously bright little 10 yr old with way too much confidence in her abilities and not enough street-smarts to know when to hide it.
In all my awkwardness, as well as my ten-yr-old-ness, I did not recognise the gift that arrived in my life that week. because this little girl...

...became my safe place. My person. You know, the one person who I could run to no matter what I had done, no matter how crazy my world got. The person who has been and will be my friend in every sense of that word until she or I give our last. We have been friends since we were 10. 
Thirty years have passed. 

In that time we have both traversed the puberty deserts.

We have called each other at our moments of frustration and joy, we have had long months where we don't have much contact other than quick text messages. 

She still calls my parents "Mum and Dad".  I love her parents to bits.

We have dreamt about, puzzled over, despaired over and accepted the male species.

We have each stood slightly to the left at the alter, holding the flowers as our best friend said "I do" to their chosen one. Both of us also pulled the groom aside and threatened death if he didn't treat our friend right.

We have dreamt of our babies, planned our families, welcomed tiny people and said goodbye to angels who could not stay.

We have raged against, then accepted, and finally embraced our own parents for all the love and guidance they have given us.


She is my run-to friend. She is my safety net. Just knowing she is there is comforting.  I am so grateful that I was placed in Mr C's fourth grade class and that she raised her hand to offer to take care of the new girl.
xxx

Flashback Friday - a beautiful way to centre myself today and acknowledge the blessings in my life.

SYL 2012 - Time - Planning ( alternative title - Oh Crap)

Simplify Your Life Wk 14 - Time Management Planning

OH NO!!!
I am crap at time management.. crap crap crap.
I am utterly disorganised.
I am the mature age student who is madly writing a 2000 word essay because she forgot it is due in tomorrow. I am the mother who shows up at school an hour late for the performance because she forgot what time it started.
I am the wife who sneaks to the store after the kids have gone to bed to buy her husband a gift for his birthday which is tomorrow.. because (you know this bit) she forgot to keep track of the days.

I tell people I'm scattered, I'm flat out, I'm just in the middle of a crazy time, but the truth is.. I've been this way for a while now.

So the Simplify Your Life Challenge this week requires dedicated planning, organisation, committment to one method of recording. And I feel sick.

I love stationery and have all the physical tools to get organised but I am still in a total mess 95% of the time. I hate having to commit to one format, I am worried I won't hold it together. I am worried I will lose the book, the holder of the information, I am worried I will not continue to record important things, and so.... I don't do any of it. I fly by the seat of everyone else's pants.

The trouble is, I feel like the disorganisation of my world is hiding a bigger issue, and if I clean up one thing, the ugly truth will be revealed.

In my chaos I am always moving, going, doing and chasing. My friends see me rushing from one urgent event to the next and they often say "I don't know how you do it."

But the truth is, I'm not doing it well. I'm not actually doing any of it well.

I show up to class and all I can think about is the Dental  appointment I accidently scheduled for today, and how much information I will miss. I think about the fact that Miss 7 has a lunch box full of Uncle Toby products because I had 2 seconds spare this morning and basically emptied the snack cupboard into her bag. I think about the fact that yet again there is nothing organised for dinner, and wonder how many nights a week I can get away with eggs on toast before someone complains. I wonder who I will ask to collect Miss 7 from school tomorrow because after two and a half years of study I still haven't organised proper after school care for her. I worry about orders I have to send out for Button Bliss, and the advertising material that was due in last Friday. I worry that the dog is 3 months overdue for her vaccination. I forget to listen to the teacher so now I have to worry about that too.

The Man I Married is the polar opposite of me. He makes lists. Lots of lists. He makes lists of lists. He is organised and focused. He knows his purpose for the day and he moves steadily and unrelentingly towards the target. He has the most amazing diary and planner and he juggles many appointments and committments throughout the day, and he shows up to them all!
While this is awesome in many ways, there is rarely room for a diversion. He doesn't like to deviate from the plan.
Inconvenient roadblocks are handballed to me, so I find myself squeezing in more and more and more. And I become more chaotic and more disorganised.

The bigger issue I mentioned?
Time. Time to think about myself.
Too much time on my hands can lead me into a dark and nasty place, full of negativity and self doubt. If I stay busy and chaotic, I don't have time to worry about ME. There is security in that.

I can see however, there is a need for balance here. I need to get a plan, so important events don't pass by un-noticed . A meal plan would be good. My kids and husband would definitely be happier if I didn't look so wild and frantic all the time. I would be happier if I felt prepared for the next day.

Deb has suggested to babystep this weeks challenge (luckily for me) and I am holding on to this quote from her post.


Wish me luck!

Week 3 challenge - 2 weeks late

The 52 weeks Simplify Your Life Challenge for week 3 was to create our family's mission statement.
It has taken me two weeks to sit down and type out how this works out for us.

Our household is complicated. Probably no more than most of the rest of the world. but there are unique challenges and issues and stumbling blocks. The idea of creating a mission statement which accurately reflects the values and beliefs for each member of this household is like asking me to shoot the moon with a nerf gun!

I am a recovering post natal/post teen depression person who has worked really really REALLY hard to let go of many control issues in my world. I used to clean my house like a crazy person. Up at 4am to domestos the bathroom each morning, the floor (and children) were vacuumed at least daily, if I sat down I felt sick because there was so much else I should be doing. I was an extremely uptight, over protective, over disciplining angry mother. I was a nasty screaming banshee of a wife. I didn't have many friends ( who'd want to go there??). I found it almost impossible to make the most basic of decisions, and so I would go along with things I didn't want because I didn't have the energy to stand up.

Then I got help.
I got medication.
I got counselling.
I got a back bone.  

I have morphed into a messy, crafty, creative mum. I would rather play Nintendo challenge with my daughter than clean the house. I have been known to serve Apple Pie and icecream for dinner  (Fruit, carbs, milk... what's wrong with that?) I have discovered that not only am I capable of making a decision, I am also pretty stubborn once I have chosen. I'm a hippie on the inside and think that there is more to life than just drifting through.
Sounds good doesn't it?

Except that my husband originally married a neat freak. A tightly controlled house proud compliant little wifey. He got his way in almost every instance because I didn't have the brain space to put together a legible argument ( imagine a screaming two year old having a tantrum.. that was me). Dinner was on the table at 6.15pm, children in bed at 7.30pm sharp.

So now, with the *new and improved* Lisa there are new things to negotiate. He is a neat freak, so he is NOT happy that I longer clean 12 hours a day. He is used to getting his way so he is NOT happy when I calmly say "I disagree". No longer can he argue that I'm not making any sense. This is not the wife he married, but this is now the wife he has... tricky. To his credit he stuck by me at my most outrageous, low points, and he stands by me now even when I make him crazy, even when the house is chaos and there is no dinner planned for the next fortnight. He doesn't like it. but he stands by me.

Add to this a child who has Aspergers, who has s-t-r-u-g-g-l-e-d through 13 years of school. And a daughter who is so dreamy and lost in art-world that she is hard to communicate with at times. And another daughter who is 13 and gorgeous but so so so "teenager" that she should be on Hannah Montana. And another littler daughter, an IVF blessing who is like a whole separate family really as she doesn't really fit with the teenagers at all.

So how do we all, such different creatures, find a single mission statement that we can live by? I have thought about this alot. I could create a mission board - husband would not be impressed - he doesn't do 'touchy-feely crap'. I could create one by myself, but then it's just my mission statement, not a family one.Can I write one and demand they accept it? Do they even need to know that in my heart one exists?

And each day for the past fortnight, simple words come to me, until they are screaming so loud I have to write them down for you. It's corny, and overly simple. But our mission statement, the simple mantra we live by in this house, daily, hourly, every nano-second is just -

Four words, but they sum up every step of our married life and parenting. From teaching the 2 year old to not belt his newborn sister, to choosing words carefully so they are not hurtful. From considering our actions and ensuring they will not be hurtful or harmful to the family, to teaching a 17 yr old to drive.
It is not flowery or oozing with gooey words of devotion. It's honest and it is the starting point of decision making in our home.. Our mission statement is that in all things we will do no harm.

Week 2 -My Core Values

Part 2 Of Week 2 "52 weeks to Simplify Your Life Challenge".
So in my last post I pondered, worried, procrastinated and generally complicated the process.
Today I sat down and in the space of 3 minutes I have my list.
I know who I am.
I know what I stand for.

I stand for FAMILY.
 It is the reason I wake up in the morning. I am a peaceful person but if you so much as look funny at one of my family I will rip you apart. I will love, guard and protect them until my last breath. I am so blessed to have my children and I do not take that gift for granted. I am beyond blessed to have The Man I Married and although I occasionally forget to say it, I am forever grateful that he chooses to stand by my side. My Mum and Dad, Sister and Brother, and all my extended family are my community, my safe place, my village.

I stand for INTEGRITY.
 This might have a slightly different meaning for others but to me it means that you say what you mean, and mean what you say. It means you live with honesty and loyalty. It is what stops you from spreading or listening to gossip, it is what makes you look me in the eye and speak the truth, even if it is hard to say. It means being willing to have no friends rather than false friends.

I stand for ACCEPTANCE.
 I accept that my personality and lifestyle may not suit you, and I ask that you respect my right to live differently. I ask that you accept my children as the perfectly formed individuals they are, and don't judge them by society standards of normal. We are all equal, we are all here for a purpose, and accepting the diversity of lifestyles, personalities and choices is the first step in creating a truly united world.

I stand for CONTENTMENT.
 If you have read my blog previously you know I am all about watering your own grass rather than looking in envy at your neighbours green lawn. I strive to be content in my home, with what I have. That doesn't mean I don't desire other things, but I am determined to be content with what I have and am right now. When change comes, when opportunities arise I will embrace them, but where I am right now, is exactly where I am supposed to be.

I stand for BALANCE.
 I think it is essential to have balance in life. It can't be all work and no play. I can't surround myself with the same people constantly and never look beyond. My kids need me to be a mother, but they also need me to know and nurture myself as an individual. For every angry frown there needs to be a silly giggle. For every hour of hard work there needs to be an hour of play. And conversely, for every hour of mindless TV there needs to be an hour of dedicated effort. For every flippant silly remark there needs to be moments of truth and real feeling expressed.

I am greedy and have decided I get a sixth core value.

I stand for ENDURANCE.
Life is an endurance event. Marriage is a marathon and it takes endurance and dedication to keep running when you hit the wall. That is not to say it isn't a great thing, but there are hard kilometers to run, and it is endurance that keeps your feet going until you get another surge of buoyant energy.
Parenting is definitely an endurance event. It takes FOREVER! And even though you love your kids so much it actually aches, that doesn't mean there aren't long nights and lonely days, weeks/years of worry and uncontrollable road blocks. Our eldest son has Aspergers and that presents its own challenges. He is an awesome, wonderful young man on the brink of adulthood, but his schooling years have been grim and unkind to both him and me. He has endured ( and I alongside) to be now in his final year of schooling. The end is in sight and new horizons are sparkling with promise. Endurance.

So here I am, with 6 core values and the year 2012. I wonder what it will bring.

Have you ever sat and thought about your own core values? What do you stand for? You might be surprised. Some words I thought for sure would be in the top five didn't make the cut. The word Endurance doesn't sound like much of a value but it sits deeply within my life it could not be ignored.

If you are interested in Joining the "52 weeks to Simplify Your Life" click on the link and visit. You don't have to blog, you don't have to show anyone, but you might discover some wonderful things about yourself, and find a more simple and peaceful life.

Much Love
xxxx
Lisa

PS Re endurance in marriage- Staying committed through marriage is one thing, but violence within marriage is entirely different. When I say "hit the wall" I mean it figuratively. If you really hit walls or the floor, if your marriage hurts you, please seek help and safety. xxx

what do I stand for ???

This week for the 52 Weeks To Simplify Your Life Challenge, I'm supposed to figure out my core values. What I stand for. 
When I first read this challenge I thought "Easy Peasy, I know who I am". But to narrow it down to five or six core values is actually ....Bloody Hard Work. 


Deb has given us a list to start the ball rolling .....

Look at all those words. Some of them are 'no-brainers' to me, but others...

Reliable. Well I like it, but I'm not very good at actually being it. 

I would like to be more disciplined, but I'm hopelessly distractable and ditzy. I have a wicked sense of humour but not everyone gets my jokes.

Do I stand for contentment or adventure ( both depending on the situation and the risk factor)?

Can I stand for being reliable and also self-reliance? 

I know I value friendliness, but I also crave my own space and alone time.

Inventiveness? I am a huge fan of the men who invented electricity, central heating and dishwashers, but do I value it? I wouldn't like to be without it.... 

I'm not vain and can't stand women who preen and polish themselves, but I can value the beauty of the ocean, or a rainforest. Do I value 'beauty' then? Can I add a sub-clause? 

The urge to over-complicate the Simplify Your Life challenge rears its head again. 

Why is this so hard...?

What went right in 2011 ?

I am joining the 52 week Simplify Your Life challenge which is the brainchild and heartwork of Debra Dane from Home Life Simplified.

I am always seeking ways to simplify my life but often end up overcomplicating the process ( does that make sense? It does to me). I love this year long view of creating a more peaceful, simple and authentic life. It took many years to get ourselves this crazy,frantic and screwed up, it makes sense that it is going to take more than a cup of chamomile tea and new filing system to un-crazy, un-frantic and un-screw ourselves.


The challenge for Week 1 (which I'm running late for...of course) is to decide what went right for me in 2011.


Hmmmm

2011

What happened? Did it happen. At first mental glance it is just a blur of cooking and lunchboxes, nursing assignments and parenting teenagers who we will kindly refer to as 'strong willed'.

On second glance, if I scrap off some of the melted chocolate and Christmas pudding, some things are starting to shine.  My first instinct is to try and prioritise the listing, and have it read pretty. but this is the start of a year of seeking simplicity so I'm just going to type.....

In 2011 I started this blog. I found an outlet for my need to write and share, and along with that I found new friends. I have written about some stuff which has eaten me up, which is terrifying, but also exhilarating and freeing.

I joined twitter, which is, to me, like a new mothers group on steroids, except you don't have to have a newborn or any born, you aren't judged on your Gucci Baby Bag and there is always someone available for a chat and light entertainment. Some might call it networking, I am more romantic and believe I have found real friends.

I managed to bring all 4 children into the year 2012.  They are all feisty and argumentative, strong willed and stubborn, but they are mine so none of that should come as a surprise. I look at my gorgeous almost-a-man 17 yr old son and cannot believe we have made him. I look at my 7 yr old and can't believe she's not a newborn anymore. My teenage girls are lovely and beautiful in the most terrifying way and I get to sit in the front row watch them blossom.

I passed the years nursing studies, and (if am allowed to brag here) I so far have received distinctions and high distinctions for every subject. That makes me proud. It means my brains did not, against all odds, melt into nothingness during The Toddler Years.

My marriage, our marriage, has made it through another year. In March we will celebrate 19 years of marriage. 2011 was a happy year of marriage. Anyone who has been married for years knows that there are good years and not so good years, peaks and troughs, hills and valleys,  ambrosia and arsenic. The Man I Married is big and gruff with a loud voice and a stern face. It has taken my mother years to realise he is not angry 100% of the time, that is just his normal voice. But through 2011 he again showed me why I love him. He is a good man, and he puts up with all my crazy messiness. 2011 was a good marriage year.

I started going to the gym. AAARRGGGHHHH It hurts and I hate every second that I am on an elliptical trainer, but I love the endorphin high when I've finished. I am taking care of myself and making sure that I am here to write a similar blog post this time next year. I have rediscovered how much I enjoy running, and I can now run 5km without stopping or dying. I'm aiming for 10km in 2012.

I let go of a friendship which has placed me in danger more than once. I decided I'm worth more. And once I did that I discovered that actually, I'm really okay without them. Yes I have one friend less, but I have gained many more, as other people have avoided me due to my time spent with her. Isn't that interesting!!! I miss her and wish it were different, but you can't undo, and un-know things. You can't magic the truth away. It might seem weird to have this on my "Good things" list but this is a step in the right direction, away from toxic people who make me sad. Good Thing.

Yep, 2011 was a good year. I am blessed. I am grateful. I have the people I love with me, we are safe and healthy. We have choices and options. We have a pantry bursting with food and home big enough for an entire other family to come and stay ( and they do!). Life is good. Complicated... but good.

How was your year? What worked for you? Visit the  52 week Simplify Your Life challenge and join in. You don't have to blog or tweet. You don't have to tell anyone you are doing it, just do it for yourself. It's going to be a wonderful year.

Much love,

Lisa