Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I fell off

I fell off the blogging wagon for a while and needed to wait for the next stage coach to come through.. here I am, a little dusty and bedraggled but here none the less.
I've had a weird few weeks, been hugely disappointed in people and felt that horrid desperate need to fly away. You know.. the moments when you think " right! that's it, I'm gonna pack up and move, quit my job/course/life, leave no forwarding address.... blah blah pity pity pity.."
I have completed my nursing placement ( awful, just awful. enough said )
The Christmas decorations are up and we are hurtling toward Christmas at a frightening rate. My plans to blog daily, or even weekly have gone out the window and frankly, I'm feeling like a bit of a failure.
I am a planner but not a finisher. I am a list maker, but also the loser of said lists. I have awesome inspiring moments of creativity but none of the energy or dedication to see them to completion. My cupboards are stocked with half finished craft projects, empty photo frames and assorted broken toys.
Even though the bio on this blog says I'm all about inspiring you to be happy and grateful right where you are, I must confess that right now, today, this week, I am struggling.
Now don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all I have, I adore my family. We are so blessed with what we have. On the surface, in a public place I am happy, bubbly, cheerful and funny. But inside, in the house when I'm alone, in the wee small hours of the morning, I am excruciatingly aware of what I DID NOT get done today. Of what mess lurks behind the cupboard door. Of the emails I failed to reply to, and the Dr appointment I missed.
I need a way to turn my brain off. I need Christmas to wait a while. I need..... I need , oh I don't even know what I need, and if I did, I'd put it on a list then lose it!
I don't know.
Just one of those days maybe?