Saturday, April 21, 2012

From a tiny egg donation ... What a Beautiful Life

Five years ago I answered a "Wanted" ad that has absolutely and forever changed my life.
The ad, in the Sunday paper, which I never normally read, was from a couple who needed a third person.
They needed what they could not fulfill by themselves.
They needed eggs.
They had a  precious little girl via a previous donor but now so dearly wanted to complete their family.

I had eggs. But I also had a husband who generally doesn't go and do random things for complete strangers. I casually mentioned the ad to him, and his reply was "Yes! I saw that too and thought of you. Do you want to call them?"
Miracle No 1.

I have 4 children and my last baby was a special IVF baby (note to ALL readers - 25 is TOO young to decide to have your fallopian tubes tied!) I was so lucky to only need one cycle of IVF - with one miscarried transfer then our beautiful girl. Because I had already been through IVF I knew what to expect and how my body would cope.
Miracle No 2.

But I was also 34, well past the preferred age for donors, so when I rang and spoke to S I was really trying to encourage her and to tell her and her husband that I was thinking of them. I was more than happy to put my name on the list of possibilities but didn't think I would be what they wanted.

Later that evening S called. She was sweet and lovely and so very unexpectedly said they wanted my eggs. Now this might seem weird but I didn't feel any trepidation or regret, no fear or worry. I was absolutely thrilled and delighted.

We talked for over an hour. Then the next night and the next. I described my physical appearance (LOL ... just on 5 foot, weird frizzy hair, little squinty eyes, but I'm AWESOME). They responded with "We don't care if you look like a monkey! We want you!". Husband R rang to have a chat and we talked about important things.

We discussed what would happen if the baby was born with a disability. They would love it regardless. We discussed what would happen if there were leftover embryos. They promised to either use them or donate them. We discussed normal life, heartache, marriage, toddlers, crazy hormones and everything inbetween. I committed to one cycle of IVF.
Miracle No 3.

The Man I Married had to officially give me permission to donate. In front of witnesses. And sign documents giving me permission. HOW bizarre. Legally I can terminate a pregnancy without his knowledge, but I can't give life without it.

We went to mandatory counselling sessions where we obediently answered questions which we had already discussed and decided upon. We signed on the dotted line.

We began IVF - sprays up the nostril for 10 days ( Both me and S so we were in sync) then injections to make my ovaries produce more eggs. At this point you may want to wince but actually the needle is tiny and it was ok. I was maybe a little moody but that's normal for me anyway :-)

They scanned my ovaries and found gorgeous fat eggs developing.
I went to Melbourne for the retrieval - fast asleep, and woke up to learn that there were 9 beautiful eggs waiting to fertilise with R's contribution in a little glass dish

6 had fertilised by morning. FANTASTIC !

Miracle No 4.
Not all fertilised eggs make it through the first few days, but by transfer day there were still 4 healthy embryos.
One was transferred.
It didn't stay
The next one transferred,
It didn't stay
The last two were thawed but only one made it through the defrost.
This transfer had to work, and it did... for a little while. After a wonderful positive pregnancy, heartbreak. That little precious embryo just couldn't hold on.

I can't tell you how many tears were shed, it was truly awful. How cruel to have had your dream in sight only to have it disappear.  

I had only agreed to one cycle but I remember saying to R "It's not the end, not until one of us says we are done."

We did another cycle. More sprays, injections and retrievals. Less eggs this time, but still 3 fertilised. Three.

The transfer, the 17th for S,  went ahead and she was, understandably, a ball of negativity. I can't imagine having my heart broken 17 times. 
"It hasn't worked...." she said, in the wee small hours, on the phone. 
But it had.

It really, really had.
Miracle No 5.

Nine months later the most perfect little boy came into the world.
He was gorgeous and wonderful and healthy and perfect.
Miracle No 6.

21 April 2009 

I have never once felt a twinge of regret. I never ever thought I was doing the wrong thing. I am not jealous or sad, wistful or wishful. I don't think of this little boy as any part of mine, he is special and wonderful and the son of two of my friends. S and I chat on the phone, she sends photos all the time and I struggle to see any resemblance. All I can see is his daddy, and a whole lot of love.

He turns 3 today. He sang "Happy Birthday To You" to me on the phone today. He's hilarious and solemn, stubborn and snuggly. He is busy and hard work and crazy and adored.

Happy birthday P-man. You are everything we dreamed of. xxxx

Miracle No 7.


  1. All I can say is wow.You and your hubby are amazing beautiful generous souls.What a proud example of the human spirit you are for your family.Such a wonderful gift to give.
    May your life be forever blessed with love and joy for that is what you have so unselfishly given.Big huge squeezy hugs to you sweet

    1. Thankyou! I forget that it's an extraordinary thing to do, it just felt right. I love S and R and they are great parents. P-man is lucky to have such wonderful parents... I am lucky to have donated to a couple who are so willing for me to be involved in this little boy's life. Blessings go both ways.xx

  2. I think this is amazing and such a beautiful beautiful gift.
    I am so glad that your friends finally got the baby they longed for and that you were able to help them. What an honor!

    1. It is absolutely an honour to have been part of this, he is very special and will always know he was very very wanted. xxx

  3. I am shedding joyful tears reading this what a priceless gift you gave S & R . A darling son .
    My own little guys are IVF and I am so thankful for them.

    1. Thanks Trish, wow little IVF bundles! What an absolute joy! And what an amazing blessing to be living in a time and place where this technology makes these perfect little people possible. So worth every little needle! xxx

  4. Knew you were wonderful from the moment we giggled together at the writer's tute.

    What an incredible blessing to have in your life, and what lucky people they are to have you in theirs.

  5. Absolutely amazing. What An amazing gift. After struggling to conceive our 1st 2 I know the heartache that comes with it. Such a beautiful thing to do. Thanks for sharing. Warmed my heart x

  6. Wow what an amazing story ! That was something I wanted to do but when I looked into it I had just turned 40 and I was told I was too old. I was really upset about that because I felt that I could still help someone. I even wanted to be a surrogate - they said I was definitely too old !!! The amazing thing is that I have friends over 40 who have had children - nobody told them they were too old.

    Love, hugs and positive energy !

    1. I was quite surprised when S & R asked me, as I thought they would go with someone young, they did get several offers from a range of people. When they told the IFV specialist he wasn't too thrilled with my age, but it just all worked, I think it also helped that I had already successfully used IVF. I'm not saying there weren't hiccups, but the end result is perfect. xxxx

  7. Amazing story, thanks for sharing.

  8. What a wonderful story - thank you for sharing with us. I am teary too - such a selfless thing to do.

    deb @ home life simplified

  9. Brilliant story. I have just had a daughter (10 weeks old now) and only want one and have been thinking about donating eggs too and helping someone less fortunate. You just made my decision that much easier through that story!

    1. If you are seriously considering this then go and make enquiries, there are some restrictions which you need to be aware of. Of course if you have any questions that I can answer I am an open book. I am honest and won't sugar coat, but I also won't give you horror stories. For me, this entire experiences has been an absolute

  10. Wow- what a story! Not only that you were happy to give and could, but that it worked out for all- the many people involved for that happy result and no bitter aftertaste for anyone. So happy for S&R. Amazing.

    1. It is a special story, thanks for reading. I am so lucky that S & R are so willing to share with me, not all recipients are, and that is ok too. But little P-man is being told how special he is and how many people worked to bring him here. His big sister calls me the Egg Lady LOL

  11. Replies
    1. Thankyou, xxx I don't think I am an angel, but I believe angels brought all the right elements together so this little boy could be created. It;s a rare privelege to be able to give something so special to someone. Not many people get to experience this thrill. I'm lucky xxx

  12. Nice post and lots of infromation....Egg donation offers a chance of pregnancy to women who are unable to get pregent......
    Egg Donor

  13. Oh wow, what a beautiful, beautiful story. I have tears in my eyes! If only the world were filled with people like you, what an amazing planet we could have. thank you so much for sharing this. xxxxx

  14. Such an amazing gift to share Lisa! You are an amazing woman x

  15. That is a truly wonderful gift you have that couple.
    I've wanted to be a egg donor but was told it wasn't the best idea with my depression.
    But now I'm 40 next year. .. so too late.


Your comments are welcome, please be kind and respectful. We all have different views of the world, sharing your view with gentle words is Lisa