Saturday, August 3, 2013

Mummies can work too .... Weekend Writer

"But Mummy, when you go to work I don't feel right. I miss you"

The words from my daughter today, as I accepted a night shift from my nursing co-ordinator.

Mid last year I finally got my Nursing Qualifications. It took 40 years, 4 kids, many hours of study and a few false starts but finally, I had the beginnings of a career.

Since September ( when my registration was recognised) I have worked mornings, afternoons and night shifts. More and more I am becoming a night shifter.
The hours suit me - I can leave for work after my littlest goes to bed and I am home before she pours the milk on her Cornflakes.
I sleep when the kids are at school.
The challenge of night shift appeals to me, with a bigger patient load and less "on-the-ground" support. The learning curve is steep but the satisfaction of a well completed evening is enormous.

So what's with the guilt trip being laid on me? Miss 9 has happily accepted that Dad goes to work 5 days a week, for a few years Dad would leave on Sunday night and not re-appear until Friday night.

I am feeling torn. Again.


I want to grow, to develop a career. I like the interaction and frankly, it's nice to finally be able to take some of the financial burden that The Man I Married has carried for so long. It's nice to see a payment in our account and know I put it there.

But the (guilt) MOTHER in me is whispering in my ear, guilt tripping, and the small child in front of me, telling me that she doesn't want me to go breaks my heart.

It's so hard to ignore the negative voices.

I know she is safe. Looked after and loved.
I know this is just because for so long I was here, always, and she is struggling with the new regime.
I know she will be fine if I go to work.
I know every hour or so, her words will jump back into my mind and I will wrestle the guilt back down into a manageable lump.

Counting the hours until I am home, and my small one feels all is okay once again.



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13 comments:

  1. Oh I feel her pain my husband has just started night shifts and I am horribly out of my normal routine - but this will be my new life so need to just get used to it

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    1. The shift in routine is tricky, especially if that means you have to try to keep the house quiet so hubs can sleep during the day - I'm lucky I can catch a few hours when the kids are at school.

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  2. Congrats on your registration! My wife is an RN, she is also mainly a night shifter..... Which pretty much suits her. Kids are flexible and they will adjust :o)

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    1. Thankyou! Yes they will adjust, and so will I.. eventually!

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  3. Yes, Congratulations!!! You've worked hard and should be extremely proud. Absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, she'll be fine. What a great role model you are to your Kids having achieved all of that while raising them. My eldest is 9 (and I have 4 younger ones too) and after reading your "about me" page I have to agree, the blogosphere is very "baby" heavy so it's nice to have found you :-) Mel x

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    1. Hi Mel, nice to meet you! I am proud, and I know the kids will adjust. Yes, the blogosphere needs a revolution! All I can thik is eventually those bloggers immersed in the baby years now will have to stop having little ones eventually!

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  4. Well done on getting your qualifications - brilliant! It sounds as though you've managed to create yourself a niche that you love - and that really doesn't inconvenience your family at all. Keep going!

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    1. Thanks Allison.. I have to admit that shift was a hell-shift. I was not feeling the love. I guess we have to have crappy days so we know when the good ones are good!

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  5. Oh I hear you. Just started back to f/time work last week and although I know it's right for me - and them - I feel a tug of guilt that I know will probably grow as the weeks pass.

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    1. Oh yes I read your blog, how exciting to be stepping back into work-mode! Hope everyone is feeling better this week xxx

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  6. Wow - must to tough to hear that kind of comment from your little girl. But - you are doing something, which ultimately, is for your family.

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  7. I don't think it matters whether you work night or day. My children complain that they miss me too, yet I work days when they are mostly at school. Essentially, you are still there for them, and they will thank you in years to come and respect your decision to work and supply the family with more money and benefits. Enjoy your new career.

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  8. I don't listen to my kids when they say stuff like that anymore. I think "I want a lot of things to, but that's not how the world works." I like to think that resilience is born in kids whose mums can't spend 100% of their time with them. They learn to rely both on others and on themselves and both of those things are very good things indeed.

    Best wishes to enjoying the career you have worked so hard for. It's time. x

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Your comments are welcome, please be kind and respectful. We all have different views of the world, sharing your view with gentle words is appreciated.xxx Lisa