what do I stand for ???

This week for the 52 Weeks To Simplify Your Life Challenge, I'm supposed to figure out my core values. What I stand for. 
When I first read this challenge I thought "Easy Peasy, I know who I am". But to narrow it down to five or six core values is actually ....Bloody Hard Work. 


Deb has given us a list to start the ball rolling .....

Look at all those words. Some of them are 'no-brainers' to me, but others...

Reliable. Well I like it, but I'm not very good at actually being it. 

I would like to be more disciplined, but I'm hopelessly distractable and ditzy. I have a wicked sense of humour but not everyone gets my jokes.

Do I stand for contentment or adventure ( both depending on the situation and the risk factor)?

Can I stand for being reliable and also self-reliance? 

I know I value friendliness, but I also crave my own space and alone time.

Inventiveness? I am a huge fan of the men who invented electricity, central heating and dishwashers, but do I value it? I wouldn't like to be without it.... 

I'm not vain and can't stand women who preen and polish themselves, but I can value the beauty of the ocean, or a rainforest. Do I value 'beauty' then? Can I add a sub-clause? 

The urge to over-complicate the Simplify Your Life challenge rears its head again. 

Why is this so hard...?

What went right in 2011 ?

I am joining the 52 week Simplify Your Life challenge which is the brainchild and heartwork of Debra Dane from Home Life Simplified.

I am always seeking ways to simplify my life but often end up overcomplicating the process ( does that make sense? It does to me). I love this year long view of creating a more peaceful, simple and authentic life. It took many years to get ourselves this crazy,frantic and screwed up, it makes sense that it is going to take more than a cup of chamomile tea and new filing system to un-crazy, un-frantic and un-screw ourselves.


The challenge for Week 1 (which I'm running late for...of course) is to decide what went right for me in 2011.


Hmmmm

2011

What happened? Did it happen. At first mental glance it is just a blur of cooking and lunchboxes, nursing assignments and parenting teenagers who we will kindly refer to as 'strong willed'.

On second glance, if I scrap off some of the melted chocolate and Christmas pudding, some things are starting to shine.  My first instinct is to try and prioritise the listing, and have it read pretty. but this is the start of a year of seeking simplicity so I'm just going to type.....

In 2011 I started this blog. I found an outlet for my need to write and share, and along with that I found new friends. I have written about some stuff which has eaten me up, which is terrifying, but also exhilarating and freeing.

I joined twitter, which is, to me, like a new mothers group on steroids, except you don't have to have a newborn or any born, you aren't judged on your Gucci Baby Bag and there is always someone available for a chat and light entertainment. Some might call it networking, I am more romantic and believe I have found real friends.

I managed to bring all 4 children into the year 2012.  They are all feisty and argumentative, strong willed and stubborn, but they are mine so none of that should come as a surprise. I look at my gorgeous almost-a-man 17 yr old son and cannot believe we have made him. I look at my 7 yr old and can't believe she's not a newborn anymore. My teenage girls are lovely and beautiful in the most terrifying way and I get to sit in the front row watch them blossom.

I passed the years nursing studies, and (if am allowed to brag here) I so far have received distinctions and high distinctions for every subject. That makes me proud. It means my brains did not, against all odds, melt into nothingness during The Toddler Years.

My marriage, our marriage, has made it through another year. In March we will celebrate 19 years of marriage. 2011 was a happy year of marriage. Anyone who has been married for years knows that there are good years and not so good years, peaks and troughs, hills and valleys,  ambrosia and arsenic. The Man I Married is big and gruff with a loud voice and a stern face. It has taken my mother years to realise he is not angry 100% of the time, that is just his normal voice. But through 2011 he again showed me why I love him. He is a good man, and he puts up with all my crazy messiness. 2011 was a good marriage year.

I started going to the gym. AAARRGGGHHHH It hurts and I hate every second that I am on an elliptical trainer, but I love the endorphin high when I've finished. I am taking care of myself and making sure that I am here to write a similar blog post this time next year. I have rediscovered how much I enjoy running, and I can now run 5km without stopping or dying. I'm aiming for 10km in 2012.

I let go of a friendship which has placed me in danger more than once. I decided I'm worth more. And once I did that I discovered that actually, I'm really okay without them. Yes I have one friend less, but I have gained many more, as other people have avoided me due to my time spent with her. Isn't that interesting!!! I miss her and wish it were different, but you can't undo, and un-know things. You can't magic the truth away. It might seem weird to have this on my "Good things" list but this is a step in the right direction, away from toxic people who make me sad. Good Thing.

Yep, 2011 was a good year. I am blessed. I am grateful. I have the people I love with me, we are safe and healthy. We have choices and options. We have a pantry bursting with food and home big enough for an entire other family to come and stay ( and they do!). Life is good. Complicated... but good.

How was your year? What worked for you? Visit the  52 week Simplify Your Life challenge and join in. You don't have to blog or tweet. You don't have to tell anyone you are doing it, just do it for yourself. It's going to be a wonderful year.

Much love,

Lisa

Reasons I haven't blogged

Yes I know. It's been ages, ages, aaagggggggeeeeessss since I blogged. There are excuses reasons for the break in the conversation.

1. I've been busy with end of year/start of year Christmas and holiday celebrations. We might as well have installed a revolving door at our house. It would have also been helpful to have self changing beds.

2. The computer wasn't playing nicely, so then I switched back to my old computer but I remembered that I'd wiped all my passwords so I had to start over and re-remember everything for everything, from twitter and facebook to my password for Internet banking. Not good.

3. I haven't had anything to say. Well that isn't technically true, I had things to say, boring mundane things about the cleaning and cooking required and how hot it's been, but actually not anything that would make you feel like you hadn't just wasted your time reading it.

4. I had too much to say. You know when you hit a junction in the road and you make your choices and start walking but the decisions and choices are too uncertain or monumental or painful to even think about writing about them. All is fine. All is well. I am ok. I just had choices to make, and I made them.

I fell off

I fell off the blogging wagon for a while and needed to wait for the next stage coach to come through.. here I am, a little dusty and bedraggled but here none the less.
I've had a weird few weeks, been hugely disappointed in people and felt that horrid desperate need to fly away. You know.. the moments when you think " right! that's it, I'm gonna pack up and move, quit my job/course/life, leave no forwarding address.... blah blah pity pity pity.."
I have completed my nursing placement ( awful, just awful. enough said )
The Christmas decorations are up and we are hurtling toward Christmas at a frightening rate. My plans to blog daily, or even weekly have gone out the window and frankly, I'm feeling like a bit of a failure.
I am a planner but not a finisher. I am a list maker, but also the loser of said lists. I have awesome inspiring moments of creativity but none of the energy or dedication to see them to completion. My cupboards are stocked with half finished craft projects, empty photo frames and assorted broken toys.
Even though the bio on this blog says I'm all about inspiring you to be happy and grateful right where you are, I must confess that right now, today, this week, I am struggling.
Now don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all I have, I adore my family. We are so blessed with what we have. On the surface, in a public place I am happy, bubbly, cheerful and funny. But inside, in the house when I'm alone, in the wee small hours of the morning, I am excruciatingly aware of what I DID NOT get done today. Of what mess lurks behind the cupboard door. Of the emails I failed to reply to, and the Dr appointment I missed.
I need a way to turn my brain off. I need Christmas to wait a while. I need..... I need , oh I don't even know what I need, and if I did, I'd put it on a list then lose it!
I don't know.
Just one of those days maybe?

Speaking Out

Today across the world we are speaking out against Domestic Violence.
It is not okay.
Never

Domestic Violence is an area of life which I can only speak out against third hand. I was blessed to be raised in a non-violent home. Sure we were disciplined, but it was with a loving hand and heart. My parents ( hi Mum and Dad !) may have argued sometimes as we all do, but there was never fear in our home.
What I have experienced is the difficulty in building a relationship with a person who has the scars of violence on their heart from childhood.

I know the fear and mistrust that person has in his own parenting.
I know how impossible he finds it to discipline our kids at all, as he doesn't trust himself to know the boundary line.
I know the frustration he feels that even 30 years later, some people refuse to acknowledge what was.
I know his vow to me that such things would never ever happen in our home.
I know the effort it must take for him to not react with that early learned behaviour when I am being a crazy bitch.
I know how broken his relationship is with a member of his family, and how he has hardened himself against them in self preservation.
I know that even though the scars have faded, they are still there. Forever.

It is time to once and for all, say No to Domestic Violence.
It's not okay to hit, to push, to slap or kick.
It's not okay to bully, to demean, to belittle or humiliate.
It's not okay to scream, to call names, to threaten or intimidate.
It's not okay to rape.

If you are in this situation, please seek help. Speak to a friend, a doctor, a help line, a women's shelter. Talk to your pastor, your chemist, talk to the bus driver. Tell someone. Keep telling until you are heard. Email me and together we will find help.

And thank you to the man I married, for being a man, for choosing differently for our family, and for breaking the cycle. I love you. 

If you want to learn more and do your part to help, please visit the White Ribbon Day website. November 25th is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, please do what you can to help the lives of many. Together we can make a difference and break the cycle. 

If you're in Australia, start here with some links: Reach Out

Inspiration on my wall

This usually hangs on the wall in my bedroom. I painted it one afternoon a few years ago. It's very simple but it speaks kindly to me.
The man I married hates it. Too girly, fluffy BS nonsense.
His idea of art is a framed print of a Holden Monaro... Classy!

Anyhow I've been kinda stuck on what to write about. I passed my exams and have been in a limbo place. Not doing much.
I could fascinate you with descriptions of hanging washing (prefer matching pegs, never wooden ones and all underwear goes in the centre so the neighbours can't see your smalls) and cleaning up dog barf.. but I think you'll survive without that.

But this canvas here has been trying to get my attention this week. It has fallen down, been knocked down, had coffee spilt on it (don't ask!) and is generally getting in my way.

Today as I hung it again I read through the words and they just sort of 'hung on my heart'. Does that make sense? Because really these 12 words are really everything about living.  If we can find some way to implement just a tiny fragment of each into our day, then the day has truly been "lived".

So I'm going to pick a word for each post.

If you want to join me, send me an email... LOVE comes first.

I am distracted by new things

I have a HORRID laptop .. I won't tell you the brand for fear of defamation ASUS  but lets just agree that it has been a complete bag of crap since the day I bought it. It overheats, it won't load programmes, it time-outs, it says Not Responding... it is, in fact, evil and argumentative. I have lost entire essays, I have cried in frustration over a computer that just randomly turns off in the middle of a word document- it just goes to bed.. no warning, no polite "Is it okay if I get my pajamas on" .. Nothing, just a sudden black screen. And no document saved when it finally agrees to come out and play. It has been assessed and wiped and reset and refurbed and it still is a complete arse!


Now if I only needed a computer to fiddle around on facebook or twitter, I would not be as concerned but I design on my computer. I study on my computer. I run my website on my computer. My computer is my doorway into my business, and my career. I have already dealt with the total loss of my files after my ten yr old dropped a cup of hot chocolate into my first laptop (- here's the tip BACK UP YOUR FILES ! Lesson learned. Child grounded indefinitely) But I don't want to deal with that again. I need reliability. I need certainty. I need a baseball bat and 2 minutes alone with this machine.


Yesterday My hubby came home to find me yelling at this laptop. (Yes I understand it can't hear me, but it makes me feel better okay!!)  He asked me if this laptop was fixable. Now, I chose this laptop, I investigated and made the critical choice, so it was with some humility that I admitted that I'd made a bad decision.


Hubby hugged me (Yes, demonstrative act of affection- rare!) and told me to go and look on the back seat of his car.


BLESS HIM!


He's bought me a new laptop, all shiny and pretty and soooooo not the same brand. It turns on when I ask it to and turns off when I say it can. It stays cool as a cucumber and has not time-outed anything. It is perfect


It made me cry.


Even when I am married to the most unromantic creature on the planet, I know he cares. I know he thinks of me. And that's enough for me... who needs a bunch of dying flowers???Bouncing and typing in my bubble of HaPpY!
xxxx
Lisa